It's hard to believe that someone as vivacious and self-confident as Cat Catalani was once shy. So shy, in fact, that the Skokie folk singer/songwriter was traumatized by a performance she did at the University of Illinois, and avoided entertaining for 20 years. Granted, that event was held in a thousand-seat auditorium. But, there were only 10 people in attendance.

Catalani is back in the spotlight, though, with a string of appearances scheduled at area coffeehouses. She even entered a national Internet talent contest for an opportunity to perform at Lilith Fair in Tinley Park on Aug. 19. Although Catalani didn't win, the fact that she vied for the honor shows how far she has come -- and how serious she is about pursuing her musical career. Catalani has had some delays along the way, however.

"I was a poet in my 20s," said Catalani, who earned a master of fine arts degree in poetry from the University of Arizona. "All through high school, all through college, I was completely into writing poetry," she said. "I also sang and played guitar." For five years, she taught writing at Stanford University.

When she was in her 30s, Catalani primarily worked as a proofreader at law firms. "You can imagine how boring that is for a creative person," she said. "I think it was a version of purgatory. I kept thinking, 'I want to be creative. How can I get back to it?' "

Catalani tried writing fiction and poetry, but things weren't coming together. Then she took a poetry class, which had an emphasis on rhyme. During this period, she also spent several years singing in a "song circle" every Friday night at the Old Town School of Folk Music.

"It's a beautiful thing," Catalani said. "People just sit around in a circle in the lobby of the building. And, when it's your turn, you can lead a song or you can request a song." Or, you could do a solo. Catalani sang in those circles for years, trying to recover from that much earlier bad performing experience.

The song circles slowly enabled her to gain confidence being the center of attention. "It was so supportive and healing," she said. "I came there knowing that I love music -- I had always loved music. At first, I would say 'Pass,' when it was my turn. Then I would sort of quietly sing along when someone else was singing. Then I would start to sing louder. Finally, I got the courage to lead a song, and it was such a gentle environment."

Eventually, other singers asked her to perform on-stage with them. "I kept building my confidence and breaking down what my fears were," Catalani said. Her first solo performance was at a music workshop in Wisconsin. At the urging of a classmate, she sang an original song at an open mike in front of 80 people.

"When I sat down, people just said wonderful things," Catalani reported. "When people said nice things to me, part of me wanted to discount it, and part of me said, I should listen and let this in."

Catalani also realized what singing really meant to her. "I started to feel that singing is a function of giving to people," she related. "I want to sing because I feel so much joy. So, I want to share it with people."

She began sharing it by doing 50 open mikes in one year. Then, she started performing solo shows, singing her original tunes, which she started writing at age 40, as well as tunes by other favorite singers. Now, three years after she wrote her first song, she has a self-titled CD out and a busy performing schedule.

Not so busy, however that she can't spend some time reflecting on each performance. She will ask herself, "What were my goals for this performance, and did I feel that I had met them?" The goals may be as simple as not being nervous on-stage, and as complex as questioning whether she was able to transmit the joy that she feels through her music to her audience.

Even though she entered the Lilith Fair contest too late to have a decent shot at being a semi-finalist, preparing for it has benefited Catalani's career.

"I did get a lot of exposure," she said. "People who wouldn't necessarily have visited my Web site and heard my music did. I'm getting a lot of CD orders because of it. And, it got me radio air-play."

Catalani's four-song CD includes "Maureen," which was her entry in the contest. It's a moving account of one young girl's attempt to deal with abuse, in an outwardly religious family where she is taught to "look the other way."

"Maureen" was an unusual songwriting experience for her, Catalani indicated. "It felt like a gift; like it just flowed out all in one piece," she said. "I've never written like that before." The story line is a composite of experiences that several people shared with Catalani.

Within a year, Catalani hopes to release a full-length CD. In the meantime, she is working the coffeehouse circuit and trying to get bookings at concerts featuring groups of folk singers.

Her next concert is Sep. 10 at the Unicorn Cafe in Evanston. Dave Rempis, who booked her for that show, said that he was impressed with her demo tape. "Her songwriting is wonderful," Rempis said. "You don't always find songwriters who are trying to do new things. It sounds to me like she's really trying to push the boundaries of the folk genre.